Preschoolers' Strategies for Dealing with Conflict

Preschoolers' Strategies for Dealing with Conflict

I had a lot of prior work experience with kids, but my degree was in politics when I started teaching. When asked how my bachelor's degree in psychology helped me as a nursery school teacher, I would always say, "I do a lot of conflict resolution." Even though I've now earned a Master's in Education and put my Bachelor's in Political Science to use teaching others about politics, conflict resolution still occupies a significant portion of my working life. Children argue, and one of their developmental goals is mastering conflict resolution.

Education in how to resolve conflicts should start as early as preschool, if not sooner. Even pre-verbal children might benefit from the right parental support. Teaching young children how to resolve conflicts effectively requires doing it in a real-world setting. Relevant and meaningful information is always better at being absorbed and comprehended. This is especially important for younger children who have not yet developed the capacity for abstract thought. 

For this reason, preschools are not a good location for conflict resolution programs that focus on role-playing different tactics for deescalating conflict. Fortunately, there is no shortage of conflict situations in which to hone one's conflict resolution skills. Where do children typically struggle? Toddlers frequently fight with one another because they both want the same toy. 

This could be a toy that rightfully belongs to one kid but not the other, or it could be something that everyone in the family or group shares. The best parents want their children to grow up to be good people, and they set high standards for them. Parents' sincere desire for their children to develop social skills often prompts them to insist that their children share their possessions. Many people don't realize that it takes financial stability to be able to give freely. Few of us find it rewarding to hand over something of tremendous worth to someone who has just attempted to take it. However, that is just what we anticipate from our offspring. 

Unfortunately, as parents, we often take the side of the child who, in our child's eyes, is the bully. We worry about our kids picking up our bad traits, so we encourage them to be kind and helpful. As a result of our reaction to the argument, our youngster is more likely to clutch their object tightly. They aren't even interested in playing with the toy anymore; they're just protecting it. Instead of becoming lost in their play, they're on constant alert for the possibility that their toys will be taken away. 

When another youngster comes close to an item they claim as their own, they become possessive and rude, not like the welcoming children their parents would be proud of. When no one else will stand up for their rights, they have no choice but to take a defensive stance. Cries, screams, and grabs are commonplace during these fights. First, we'll address the problem of two kids arguing over a toy that rightfully belongs to both of them. 

How can we respond to encourage the development of each child's innate capacity for kindness, generosity, and love? first by recognizing a child's demand for uninterrupted playtime with a favorite toy until she feels satisfied. Your child will relax their grasp on a toy when they are allowed to play with it for as long as they like without interference. How can we help the children get along without making them feel like they have to share? Young children can learn to resolve conflicts peacefully through the repetition of a few simple tactics and a genuine regard for both children's needs. It is our responsibility as parents and educators to provide our children with the lexical tools they will need to make sense of and thrive in the world. 

Teaching your child to ask, "Can I have that when you're finished?" is a great way to help them get what they want. The child can acquire what they want in a direct but not aggressive way with this phrase. They are making their requirements known to the other youngster while assuring them that they will wait until they are done before reaching out to acquire anything. 

This small linguistic shift is often all that's needed to turn a potentially destructive argument into a productive one. A child will often play with a toy briefly and then hand it back to you. If your child frequently has her toys taken away or is made to give them up, she may need extra reassurance from you that she can keep playing with them until she's done. Encourage her to give the toy to the child waiting for it when it becomes obvious that she is done with it. Instead of just accepting the gift, she is actively providing the item. This will prevent her from resenting the loss of the toy before she is emotionally prepared to let go. 

The act of giving up the toy fosters compassion. She is aware that her actions have an impact on other people and that she possesses the ability to bring joy to the lives of those around her. Conflict is not the time to try to instill the value of empathy in a young child. Their developmental stage limits their ability to meet the needs of others if doing so will cause them distress. Moments of empathy that are age- and developmentally-appropriate should be fostered. 

Giving the object back at their own pace lets kids practice generosity in a way that doesn't challenge their sense of security. The question can still be asked in a way that engages the pre-verbal child's attention. "You want that toy, but Tim is using it right now," for instance. Let's see if he'll give it to us when we're done. Tim, after you're done using that truck, could you please give it to Jane? By the time she starts talking, the youngster will already understand it. She might even begin with "finished." If the request is not understood, a nearby parent can help. 

The phrase "You can have it when I'm finished" is a useful one to teach kids to use when someone else is trying to take their plaything. The child's rights are safeguarded, and the situation is defused since the youngster understands that it will be his or her turn eventually. Please consider your own possessions the next time your child shows jealousy over another kid's item. 

You can freely hand out cash or make checks to organizations that earn your support by doing worthwhile work. On the other hand, you might be reluctant to give money to a demanding person, no matter how poor they are. Who among us wouldn't feel violated if, while riding the subway, someone randomly picked our pockets and stole our jewelry, wallet, or newspaper? If a child's rights are respected, he or she may be convinced to part with an item. If asked beforehand and they know it's safe to trust that their toys will be returned, most kids will be happy to offer.

Children benefit greatly from having a special item that is all their own. They may have a favorite blanket or stuffed animal they never part with. Siblings can teach mutual respect by learning not to play with a sibling's prized possessions without first asking. Preschoolers are perfectly within their rights when they figure out the word "mine!" Parents can facilitate their children's participation in games by inviting them to join in and by assisting older siblings in finding a suitable position for a younger sibling. 

It takes a lot of time and effort on the part of an adult before this kind of problem-solving becomes second nature for children. Sibling playtime should not be mandatory for kids. Instead of encouraging problem-solving, this approach is likely to incite animosity. 

The play date is an important exception that deserves special attention. The toys at a play date are special since they usually only belong to one child. Nobody likes to bring a friend's kid over only to have to inform them they can't play with their toys. On the other hand, you shouldn't compromise your values in order to coerce your child into sharing before they're ready. Preparing a youngster ahead of time for a play date is essential. 

Parents may ask their offspring to either select a small number of "special" toys for later usage or a larger number of toys that they are willing to share with a friend. When taking their kids on play dates, parents should also consider bringing along a few good games. Many mature people avoid conflict at all costs. It can be terrifying to see our children throw themselves into a fight. However, young children have a unique opportunity to learn how to deal with disagreements without damaging interpersonal bonds. 

Children are so focused on the here and now that they rarely harbor ill will against others. Now, before the stakes feel too high, is the time to invest in our children's development. They will greatly benefit from learning how to be authoritative without being confrontational when dealing with disagreement. Now that their rights are being respected, they can play without inhibitions.