When my son was deployed, I was heartbroken.

When my son was deployed, I was heartbroken.

When a parent is trying to keep their kid safe while the youngster is trying to explore the world and find their place in it, sometimes in an unsafe way, it is one of the most difficult challenges for a parent.

A discussion of Inside Out wouldn't be complete without an account of my own problems with the idea. There are days like this. My 19-year-old son has recently gotten deployment orders. His National Guard unit has just completed basic training and will be sent to Iraq for a year's worth of training in less than two months.

My kid, on the other hand, decided early on that he wanted to enlist in the armed forces. This came as a shock to me, since I had assumed that most people who join the military do so because they have a military role model. The absence of military duty in either mine or my husband's family made me feel that my children would not be inclined to serve in the military. Around the age of sixteen, my son started talking about joining the Marines and becoming a sniper. When I thought about him in risky circumstances, I was terrified. I'd spent his whole life trying to protect him, but primarily from himself since he's such a risk-taker.

Even though I knew better as an Inside Out mother than to attempt to dissuade him from what he genuinely desired, I had hoped that by the time he reached the age of military service he would "come to his senses." Let me make it clear right now that I fully support our military personnel. For the sake of their own children's safety and freedom, I applaud those courageous men and women who risk their lives for us all. But as most moms would agree, that's OK for other kids. I'm conscious of my position's selfishness, but it's the only one I can take.

My kid and I had a few conversations regarding his future goals throughout the course of time. In rural Pennsylvania, he grew up hunting with his father, who taught him the sport when he was only three years old. He was born with a talent for shooting. He is a man of great bravery and enthusiasm for strenuous exercise. I know he sounds like a military hero with all of these qualities. Even so, as a mother, I was hoping that he'd come around.

In my opinion, his decision to join the National Guard rather than the Marines just before turning eighteen was a concession to me. In my judgment, he wanted to show himself as a man, and part of it was because he needed money for college. When I realized he was in the guard, I gave him a tiny sigh of relief. On weekends and for two weeks in the summer, he'd be on call for military action anywhere in the United States. Was I ever wrong? The conflict in Iraq came along. The effectiveness of this war is not something I want to discuss here. I'm not sure whether we're there because of WMDs, terrorists, or oil fields. I'm not sure. Our country's young military men and women are being irrevocably impacted by their experiences there, and I fear for my kid.

It was with a heavy heart that my son informed me this morning that he had got his orders and would be departing shortly for 18 months. He exudes a mix of nervousness and excitement. He knows how to do this since it's what he's been taught. Because of this, I am both proud of him and afraid of the consequences he might face. In the worst-case scenario, how can he return from there to be the same guy I know him to be?

As I write this, I'm thinking about all of this, but I know that I must help him. I don't want him to get the impression that I am not fully behind him. It's not what I want, but it's what I'd prefer: that the war is done, that this is a blunder, or that his regiment gets a deployment to the United States. As a result, I have to ask myself: What can I do to influence the outcome of this situation? My kid is going to Iraq, and I'm not going to try to alter that. He wouldn't want to shirk his responsibilities even if I could.

Because I can't control or alter this condition, the only thing left to concentrate on is my own personal development. What are my top priorities? First and foremost, I want to tell my kid how proud I am of him and how much I support his choices. Because it's his life, he can do with it what he wants. By keeping him safe for the last 19 years, I felt like I had done my part. I want to stand by him while he makes his own choices about how he wants to conduct his life now that he has matured into a man. Second, I don't want him to be concerned about how I am doing without him. Finally, I want him to know how much I care for him and how much I pray for his well-being every single day. This is everything under my direct control. I'm not sure how I'll accomplish it.

It's my habit to search for the bright side of a bad situation whenever I'm in one. This problem has a lot of people involved. My kid is maturing into a young man who is fighting for a cause he is passionate about. For the rest of his life, he will be guided by these ideas. For some, his presence in Iraq might have a positive impact. It will put him and his girlfriend to the test to see whether they are actually in love with one another. I've learned that even if the worst happens and he is murdered there, at least he will have died having achieved one of his life's greatest ambitions rather than living a long, unhappy life full of regret. Will I be able to maintain that posture and position if the need arises? There may be times when I need to employ "inside-out" thinking to deal with my anxiety and sadness, but I don't know for sure yet.

Visit www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz and look at our schedule for future teleclasses, chats, and workshops if you find yourself in a similar scenario and want to keep sane or want the support of others going through the same thing.